| Location | Houston, Texas |
| Age | 27 years |
| Cause of Death | Suicide |
| Date of Birth | 21/02/1981 |
| Date of Death | 03/12/2008 |
| Visitors | 3,480 since 17/11/2009 |
| Creator |
Rain wasn’t the light up the kind of room person but she very intellectual, passionate, and artist. Years of an unknown illness 10 to be exact had made her what she would say, “There’s a difference between living and simply existing.” She was right, her condition was very complex though looking at her you’d never guess what lied just beneath the skin, mainly in her brain. Of course she was Bipolar that was a given from an early age but her parents assumed it was stage and she’d grow out of it. She also had Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, panic/anxiety disorder, and borderline personality disorder. Years of doctors came and went everything from Neurologist to Physiatrist simply guessed and put her on so many different drug treatment plans that eventually it had to have done some damage. Sometimes I thought I should just walk away because in my heart I knew eventually she’d kill herself but after 14 years of friendship no matter how hard I tried we were practically sisters. I don’t even know how many times I saw her just fall apart, attempt suicide, and the attacks (cataplexy) ended up making her a miserable hermit. But Rain was narcoleptic with cataplexy to the worst degree, the attacks came from no where and she’d drop like a bag of bricks often hurting herself, stitches, ERs, bruises, self mutilation, pretty much if you can damage it she’d done it at least once. I was her best friend but I was devasted that she didn’t choose to talk to me but rather another friend about how she felt… she always said she didn’t want to scare me or freak me out cause death was on her mind constantly and she vented that to her friend John, I do understand now though. Rain didn’t want to hurt anyone she simply didn’t want to exist if all she had to look forward to was disability and a life time of endless medical problems. She once said kind of jokingly to me while wait at a fast food restaurant, “You know I don’t want to do this for another year.” Her tone was light and in all actuality she was warning me.
Eventually things with the cocktail of problems she had escalated and she said she was hearing things, not like oh an invisible persona standing beside her but just voices and sounds that didn’t happen. Then she started to get really jumpy, you couldn’t touch her with out her coming out of her skin often triggering an attack. She hated warning people about her condition, can you image being 28 and wanting to date but anytime you have any type of an emotional response she collapsed and ended up so embarrassed. Any emotion could trigger attacks but mostly it was fear of having another attack, fear, anxiety, and occasionally a rush of something good would come along and it quickly became a bad thing cause she’d have an attack. Rain was a very sexy Goth/punk that could turn the normal switch on at any moment. Years we clubbed together ironically she had attacks there but they were far and few between nothing to slow down a party girl, though she loved to party she had a brief brush with drugs but she normally never drank, “why would anyone want to drink something that burns and pay 7 bucks for it screw that get me a bottle of water.” Looking back now I’m glad she made at least one good decision in her life not really by choice but she just didn’t like the taste of alcohol but a glass of champagne for a special occasion was about it.
I’ve read other people’s stories on different site and they always describe the person as smart, beautiful, and just glowed with happiness. That makes me sad because I don’t think Rain really knew what those things where. Though over weight, she had beautiful curves, a smile that was weak but to me precious, and all the guys said she had anime porn star eyes which was her favorite compliment. She never felt good about herself and again she often said, “when I look at this monster that I can’t control and it’s me.” Rain’s few friends were very loyal to her, they knew she was ill and made accommodations to help her. She had “the boys” and laughingly I like to call “the figments” they were bigger than life two beautiful Goth guys that just happen to be life partners. Then there were the John’s (not the hooker type John’s but she had so many friends named John she referred to them by number) and normally for her to leave the house she needed someone with her, god forbid she might collapse on a road way (which actually did happen once) and cataplexy paralyzes your legs so you can’t move, she literally would be drug off to a safe place till we could get her back on her feet. It embarrassed her immensely and then to stay out of public sight, she actually said she was humiliated even when no one was around cause she had to drag herself out of danger which isn’t quick during an attack.
All that being said Rain was beautiful and had no problems finding a man unlike me. She oozed of sexuality and though dark and gothy she still remained very girly. She was chatty and people seemed to shut up and listen when she talked, she often stood up for the underdog. Her make up design and hair is legendary she was a dread professional self taught and created amazing works of art out of hair of all things. I used to stand in awe of her putting on make up because she was so precise and never went to school for cosmetology at all. Her dog Freedom (named because he was saved from unhealthy environments.) He was the one thing that made her smile and they played fetch until he wore out, considering he was a tea cup wiener hound it didn’t take long to wear him out, she also loved to call him Hitler because he’s a German dog and with his stubby little legs he’d do things that made it look like he should be saying hail Hitler, Hitler hands was what she called it. She also loved to read, she bought every book she ever read… I’d asked her once if she knew where the library was at but she said she just like owning them in cause she gets into the mood to read one again, several of the books by Stephan King bindings are falling apart. Research, if you had a question Rain could just click a few keys and tell you the answer but that wasn’t the only reason she’s so good at it. She’s been combing library medical books, magazines, and the internet for years looking for what was causing her life to simply stand still. She couldn’t walk and had a hard time driving so she decided to self educate herself.
I Feel Your Pain
I read this memorial and wanted to express my condolances to the family of this wonderful young lady.
As a bi-polar sufferer myself i know how hard it is sometimes, and i am just so sorry that this has happened
Sleep well beautiful girl, hurting no more xx
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-(#)Birthday(#)-
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---(#)You(#)--
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I miss you more than anything
Rain, if you can hear, if you can read my soul... help me. I feel so alone everyone is dying in one way or another and I'm unable to save them like you. I want you back, I want to curse and punch things for the diease that you fought but lost. I'm not sure how much I can of this world, I visit you and John and Kristen every other day, spending my paychecks on fresh flowers that you love... rain or shine I'm there. I moved into your room, it's been years but I can still smell you, your close are still in the closet and sleeping in your bed makes me feel like you are right there with me. Jeremy died Saturday, motorcycle wreck. The house is so empty now, I couldn't do what you did, I've failed you. GOD why am I still here?
♥ .•**•.. ♥ .•**•.. ♥ .•**•.*• ♥ .•**•.. ♥ .•**•.. ♥ .•**•.*• ♥
...{`--..-.'_,} for all our loved ones
.{;..\,__...-'/}
.{..'-`.._;..-'; always on our minds
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........,--\\..,-"-. but
........`-..\(..'-...\
...............\.;---,/ forever in our hearts
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......../....-'.)..\ xxxx
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♥ .•**•.. ♥ .•**•.. ♥ .•**•.*• ♥ .•**•.. ♥ .•**•.. ♥ .•**•.*•
God didn't take me from you, He only took my hand
Last night while I was trying to sleep,
my daughters voice I did hear.
I opened my eyes and looked around but she did not appear.
She said,"you’ve got to listen. You’ve got to understand,
God didn’t take me from you, He only took my hand.
When I cried out in pain that day, the instant that I died,
he reached down and took my hand,and pulled me to his side.
He pulled me up and saved me, from the misery and pain,
I was so badly wounded it seemed I could never be the same.
My search is really over, I’ve found happiness within,
all answers to my empty dreams, and all I might have been.
I love you all and miss you so, please don’t keep asking why?
My body is gone, gone forever, but my spirit will never die!
So live until we meet again, and please try to understand,
God didn’t take me from you, He only took my hand.
Reflection
Another day for you to wonder, another day for you to mourn
It wasn't my intention to go before the coming dawn
My pain was deep within my heart and my troubled head
wasn't my intention to go without words said.
My frame of mind seemed normal, or so I heard them say
It wasn't my intention not to see another day
I did not mean to make you suffer or cause you hurt and pain
It wasn't my intention to never see you again.
Despair and confusion left my aching heart unsure
It wasn't my intention to suddenly close life's door
If only I could give you reasons and brush the tears away
It wasnt my intention to leave and not to stay.
I did not mean for you to grieve now left alone to cry
It wasn't my intention to leave you ,forever asking why
As the burdens of life's worries slowly ebb from my heart
It wasn't my intention to tear your soul apart.
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……..*..lovel…*
…..*..lovelovelo…*
…*..lovelovelove….*
..*.lovelovelovelove…*…………….*….*
.*..lovelovelovelovelo…*………*..lovel….*
*..lovelovelovelovelove…*….*…lovelovel...
*.. lovelovelovelovelove…*….*…lovelovelo.*
.*..lovelovelovelovelove…*..*…lovelove...
..*…lovelovelovelovelove..*…lovelovelo...
…*….lovelovelolovelovelovelovelovelo…*
…..*….lovelovelovelovelovelovelov…*
……..*….lovelovelovelovelovelo…*
………..*….lovelovelovelove…*
……………*…lovelovelo….*
………………*..lovelo
sending lots of love up to you xxx
Emailed to Debra to post
I am greatly sadden to find out that John #1 passed away on your favorite holiday Halloween. We actually just found out, he simply disappeared and never came back. The police came to my house to tell me. John loved you, you accepted him, you stuck up for him. Your parents still have your cell connected so people can call and hear your voice and leave messages for you. John left a message on Halloween simply saying I’ll see you soon, I have so much to tell you.
You had no idea how much people loved you! John rather die than live without you holding his hand even if you two were never dating. I worry about other friends of our group, “The figments.” Two have attempted suicide and failed, they had their own personal reasons but both said they just wanted you back. Your Mom and Dad invite me over often just to talk, I am honored that they feel that I am a part of you as you will always be a part of me.
I was so happy they didn’t doll you up for your viewing, you were in your classic black attire, your god knows how old Doc Martins, spiked bracelets, and dreaded black and white hair, we asked the make up artist to attempt to recreate your make up style by giving her pictures and they did it decently but nothing near as glittery and out rageous as you would have done. You loved glitter on everything no wonder you were so obsessed with the Twilight Saga, Edward glittered. We pre-bought tickets for New Moon and a ticket for you, you might not be there physically but we are making sure there is a seat just for you.
I want people to know you, the good and more than often the bad. You were so ill but even when in the hospital we all brought our laptops and played World of Warcraft till our fingers bled, we played board games, you even had people come into the hospital to have you do their dreads. Though you couldn’t leave the house often you didn’t slow you down, you made quilts for children in need, you cross stitched constantly, wrote music, and wrote about everything. You said you lived to write and wrote to live, 10 days before you died was your last journal entry.
My most vivid memory of you was in my darkest hour, I was so sick and no one knew what it was. I was pissed when you said that I should be tested for HIV/AIDS, you weren’t wrong but you held my hand with no fear. I wanted to die, I’d never get married and have kids… I was only 18 still a virgin and I’d never get the chance to lose my virginity… I’d never do that to someone. Then you introduced me to the love of my life Brett which was born with the disease yet he had two children that did not have the illness, he had actually contracted it after their births. When his wife passed away in a car wreck Brett wanted to die but he’d never leave his children. To meet someone that can’t give me anything worse than what I already have was amazing and we were both so compatible, you had great intuition on the matter. Now we are a family on your birthday and I remember Jaden asking where Aunt Rain was and I told him she was here in everyone’s heart. And you always will be.
God I miss you
Kristen Jameson
And
Brett, Jaden, and Willow
I wished you were here
Rain you made my world, I was never alone. You listened so well but I cry to God wondering why I didn’t ever know that you were hiding so much. I still have your sheet music on my piano stand, you wrote that for me and I stare for it at hours at times you said you only used the good notes for me. Why didn’t I give you anything other than pouring out my bleeding heart on you. You took not just you precious life from us but your dear friend, John #1 (you always called him One and he loved it) well he passed away to be with you on Halloween ’09. He told me how he didn’t know how to live without the only person that believed in him no matter what on your first birthday in heaven. We sat at your grave and brought birthday balloons and God I hope you heard us we talked to you for hours, John confessed that he had been in love with you but never told you because he knew you’d turn him down because of his drinking problem. He hated himself for never telling you, I hope you two are together now waiting on the rest of the clan to join you, “The Figments.” We had the best group of friend until you pasted away, you were the core, you were the artist, and I don’t think any of us are ready to face each other yet. Well all think there should have been something we could have done, our grief keeps us apart and you are probably cursing us from heaven tell us how stupid we are.
I miss our “girl parties.” You could Goth a moron up in half an hour. We’d watch Steel Magnolias and veg out, I can’t make it threw the movie now cause Julia Roberts voice sounds so much like yours. You the spunky quite Goth girl had the sweetest southern accent all the guys said you needed a 900 number cause you melted them like butter. It was amazing to see you perform your poetry at MOTM, you were the star and you didn’t even know it, people came to see you… you were announced on radio shows and flyers. Every lyric or poem you wrote touched every person who had ever heard it. I remember you always cried when you saw fireworks, you said it’s was like talking to God with those beautiful lights. You believed in God, some how threw every thing that happened you and plagued you… you never blamed God. You didn’t run around preaching the gospel or anything but you said to me God is inside of you finding him is just that very hard first step after that peace, you don’t need a church for that. I never even opened a Bible before your Mom handed me your worn bible with scrapes of notes, poetry, pictures, even letters to Sid that you never sent, I have almost finished it.
You were our World
Sometimes I can't breath, this gapping hole in my chest and Astral is untouchable as the anniversy of your passing is inching closer and closer. If we only knew, you were always the girl struming the guitar and writing lyrics, you were our baby girl. I know it was hard, I understand that you felt you had to go, you were in so much pain both physically and mentally. I don't believe you committed suicide, or at least that makes it easier not to cry when I look at you guitar still sitting where you left it, you just had to move on... without us. You know you could have come to us at anytime and we would have taken care of you, but as you always said, "If you burden your friends you soon won't have any." You just bottled it up inside. God I wished I could lay in bed with you again and you either wiped away my tears or memorized my face which tickled. We miss you, we love you, we hate the hand you were dealt, we don't go a day without thinking about you... Astral's still a mess and cries everyday.
Love your figments
Mark and Astral
RIP baby girl we'll see you soon
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